I can answer this from the other view point. My friend had many sexual relationships in her 20’s. Some of the men were married or engaged. Some of these relationships were intermittent but on going over many years. She did therapy and learnt that she was looking for love through sex. Not unusual.
Do you judge her or are you strong enough to handle the truth? Secure enough in yourself to know that no one is perfect including yourself? Mature enough to know that people evolve and grow? Kind enough to thank her for her honesty. Man enough to say:’I wish I’d made this easier for you?’
SO, she has never told him about her earlier experiences. Personally, I think this is wrong. Not because he would have rejected her: he wouldn’t. But because I think the deeper intimacy comes from knowing who your partner is. And then accepting them for who they are.
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
Your wife didn’t cheat on you. But she clearly thought that you’d find this difficult to accept & scared that you would judge her.
Yes I understand that you’re shocked and scared that she may betray you. And it’s reasonable for you to wonder - who this woman is I’ve married? Is she trustworthy? But also have a think (& discussion) about her childhood. Did she have a very difficult, rejecting relationship with her father? It’s not unusual for women who have had that to have many sexual & overlapping relationships. This doesn’t mean every woman who has multiple partners or is unfaithful has had such a relationship. It’s perfectly normal for women, like men, to explore & enjoy their sexuality before they settle down.😀 So it could easily have been sexual exploration.
Early 30’s she met her husband. Married but after one year the sex was routine/boring. 30% of women lose interest in sex with their partner after a year: for many reasons. But she loves her husband more than anything in the world. In her 50’s she considered having an affair but decided against it. Now in her 70’s she still loves her partner very much. She had sex about 3 times a week. She loved touching him & being with him.
Atheists who have read the Bible and think that contains immoral things, why do you assume that?
SO, good luck😊 But don’t ruin a good marriage with doubts & fear. If she’s cheated on you - it’s highly unlikely she would confess to her past life. Why would she? It would only make you suspicious …
You’ll be ok & the two of you will get through this👍
